From google (:,
Friday, October 10, 2008 @ 11:08 PM
- "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
- "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
- "I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
- "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"
- I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
- Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
- Love is a grave mental disease.
- You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.
- I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?
- Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
- You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
- The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
- The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
- We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
- To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
- I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
- Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.